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THE CARE AND FEEDING OF LOVE

by David Truman

The number one cause of all relationship problems and failures

Unsatisfying relationships? People have tried all kinds of techniques, from logical-sounding to downright ridiculous, to solve the problem. Rarely, however, do any of the techniques address the main issue. The number one cause of all relationship failures and problems is inadequate love (not enough high quality love). For any relationship to thrive, people need to be personally, deeply, sweetly loved. No substitute!

How much love is enough? That's not negotiable, not really. A baby needs a certain amount of food to be satisfied, so you can't negotiate with it about how much that is. And every human being legitimately needs enough love to be satisfied. Less is simply too little.

Deal with the real issue

No doubt you have noticed this: when people feel under-loved, it's easy for them to be on a short fuse. Every little thing seems like a big thing. Maybe he always forgets to put down the toilet seat; maybe she is always late; etc.

But around here, we have a saying: "The issue is rarely the issue." Almost invariably, when it comes right down to it, the real issue is that someone feels unloved, or under-loved. That's what creates the emotions that make those "trigger incidents" surprisingly loaded. And therefore:

1. Only real love, heart and soul love, can create a happy, satisfying love relationship.

2. Nothing less than love, REAL love, ever works.

As you give you shall receive

Ironically, what prevents relationship satisfaction is not so much the fact that we don't get enough love; it's that we don't give enough! If we pay too much attention to the love we get or don't get, we're liable to overlook one of the most underestimated facts of life:

"The love you take is equal to the love you make."

Or, to put it another way:

"As you give, so shall you receive."

When we love insufficiently, we feel unworthy of love. Of course, every person is worthy of love; there are no qualifications or requirements for that. But here, when we speak of unworthiness, we're talking about a subjective feeling, and those feelings matter. Subjectively, it is absolutely impossible for us to feel love-worthy when we're not meeting our own love-standards. Instead, we'll tend to feel that people are making a mistake in trying to love us. The result? We can't actually receive the love we are given.

So you see, there is really no solution to the sorrow of feeling unloved until we ourselves are willing to love, care, and understand as much as we would like to be loved, cared for, and understood. Otherwise, we close our doors to receiving the very love we feel resentful about not getting -- and we live in sorrow. The only way to reopen those doors is to love enough, and to do unto others as we would have them do unto us.

The solution to suffering

The truth stands: the need to give/receive real love, enough to satisfy their heart, is the core issue for every relationship, every community -- even the world. We must handle that need. Otherwise, we'll only suffer and suffer, with no end in sight.

But as you know, love, true love, heals all wounds. So please consider this deeply, will you?